Day 64 for me.

Day 28 of full remote-instruction.

Dear Diary,

I feel as though my anxiety is ramping back up again. Just when I am feeling better, bam – there it is. Since Sunday evening, I have experienced feeling heart palpitations and some tiredness, and today I keep having that sense of butterflies in my stomach combined with bouts of wanting to cry. A lot has consumed my mind regarding our return to a hybrid model of in-person and remote learning once January arrives. I believe that these anxious feelings and stress are giving me these physical and emotional side effects.

A growing number of my colleagues, friends, and acquaintances are quarantined, being tested, or have tested positive for COVID-19. This knowledge combined with the thought of having to return to in-person in just a few weeks is rattling me. Right before the school year began, my anxiety was through the roof, and these feelings are exactly like them, but add thousands of current positive cases from our area to the mix of reality. I just want to crawl in a hole of isolation until this pandemic is over and the vaccine has been widely administered.

On top of these feelings, I have about had it with Google Meet. Over the closure, I have had families here and there reach out of their struggles to access my live classes via Google Meet. Today was the straw the broke the camel’s back. I am going to try to switch to Zoom over Christmas break and keep my fingers crossed that there is more success for my artists, families, and myself.

Enough of the negativity, on to the quirks and perks of Covid-teaching.

I’ve witnessed my first toenail clipping session after a 6yo heaved his little foot to the tabletop in front of his laptop and began chipping away while the other artists were still working. When I asked him to show me the additional progress to his work I watched him put in moments before, he put down his clippers, shared his work, then returned to the toes.

Two of my colleagues who co-teach together at the secondary level shared via Facebook that during one of their remote classes, the cute little dog of the one teacher jumped on her head and climbed down her back – on screen – at the sound of the others teacher’s dog barking. Their high school kids enjoyed the entertainment.

For a wallflower/introvert, I’m able to attend a virtual staff Christmas party. I am not sure how much anyone can truly appreciate this unless you are a self-proclaimed introvert like me.

I am communicating with families much more than I ever have. Parents, guardians, and caregivers are incredibly gracious with anything and everything that could possibly go wrong right now – I am thankful for that.

My eyes are tired from staring at this screen all day. For now, I am going to part ways, but I’m sure I’ll have much to say again soon.

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